struggle bus pt. 2

Alright, back at it again with my permanent residence on the struggle bus. Here are some more ways that I struggle in everyday life:

Handwriting: Stop lying to me. My handwriting sucks and I can barely read. I wish I could have that cute, bubbly, legible, handwriting that I’m supposed to have, but alas, I do not. Sad day, but not the end of the world. Except that elementary teachers should have good handwriting… dang. 

Painting my Nails: I’ve given up on this talent. I can’t seem to let them dry completely or make them look nice at all. And on the rare occasion that I do have them painted, I chip them off. I just hate worrying about the state of how beautiful my dead compressed cells are on the ends of my fingers. It’s exhausting and not worth my time (okay, maybe I’m just embarrassed that I can’t do them well). But I really admire those who can do their nails on a regular basis and can make them look clean, polished, and artsy. Like Theresa? Umm, you’re amazingly talented and I am inspired by your gorgeous nails. Incredible. 10/10 

Focusing: Yeah I have no idea where my mind is 85% of the time. I can’t read for more than 3 minutes without giving up or finding myself scrolling through TikTok. Or asleep. Wow, that has become a real problem. I fall asleep doing my homework pretty much every night. And homework in general takes me so much longer than it should because I get distracted so easily and I’d rather watch paint dry than answer questions about the United States government. I have no motivation and no ability to focus. Can I just blame that on “Senoritis”?

Being confident: I’m working on this, but I let my self-consciousness and ability to overthink take over too much. I also really can’t be confident in who I am and be authentic if I don’t know who I am as a human being, but we’ll get into that another time. Savannah, I admire your confidence and strength so much. I wish I could be that confident and be unapologetically myself like you. I’m working on standing taller and continuing on being kind and compassionate. That’s at least something, right?

Journaling: This is something I really want to do.. For obvious reasons. I just can’t seem to remember/have the motivation to do it. I know it would be really good for me though! Maybe with my new journal from iLove I’ll keep it out on my desk so I’ll see it and remember to at least try and write.

Going to bed on time: I can’t seem to figure this one out. My sleep schedule is all out of whack and because of my lack of motivation, do you know when my homework gets done? At some crazy hour of the night when I wake up after my nap. I think some of you can relate to this one actually. Maybe it’s just part of being a very busy, very stressed out senior. I can’t remember the last time I went to bed normally. That means at a normal time, without waking up at like one in the morning, and without all of my homework in bed with me. Wow… it’s a mess. But again, I’ll work on it. 

Remembering things: I am so forgetful. And sometimes I’ll forget what I was talking about mid sentence. Or I’ll have something to say or do so I really try and keep it in my head but it will just float away. You know it’s probably just because I have so much in my head to begin with that my brain can’t handle the little things like when I need to text my parents to tell them where I am or when I need to remember a name that someone told me 2.6 seconds ago. It’s a struggle. Maybe journaling and getting my thoughts out will help me clear my head and remember things better… huh… full circle!